When Will I Realize
by livesonacloudinthesky
Summary: A warm feeling floated around my guts and let my heart beat faster, as it hit me. I was falling for him. I, Lily Evans, was falling for James Potter. The pieces in my head finally made sense.


Hello :)

This is a James/Lily story I wrote around christmas, I already had it online but I only recently noticed how bad written it was, so I corrected a lot. I hope it´s better now.

I hope you like this little story as much as I do. Please review to let me know ;)

Please also check out my other Harry Potter fanfics

Discalimer: I own NOTHING. The beautiful world of Harry Potter only belongs to J.K. Rowling. God Bless Her.

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><p>When Will I Realize<p>

I walked down the path to the Quiddtich Pitch with my friends Marlene McKinnon and Alice Matthews. Yes, you heard right, Me, Lily Evans was going to watch a Quidditch match. It was the first one after the Christmas vacation and I had promised Marlene I´d go with them.  
>The whole school had been talking about this match for days, Gryffindor against Slytherin. The internal enemies.<br>Just as we wanted to go upstairs to get good seats for the game, James Potter came out the changing room straight toward us.

I´d lie if I say I still hated Potter, because I didn´t.  
>Since Dumbledore made us both to head girl and boy this year we spent a lot time together, let´s not forget the had common we had to share. I found out he really had changed over the summer to our 7th and final year in Hogwarts. He helped younger students when they had trouble finding a classroom, he stopped pranking other students and to my relieve he stopped asking me out every other day.<p>

James had a huge smile on his face as he spotted me slightly walking behind Marlene and Alice.  
>"Hey Evans, nice of you to join the game." I just rolled my eyes, sadly he still had this unbelievable cocky attitude inside of him.<br>"Yea, well I promised my friends I´d go them and I have all homework finished, so I got no excuse to skip."  
>"Now with you as my own personal cheerleader I am sure we will win this match. Today you are going to be my lucky charm, Evans."<br>His beautiful hazel eyes bored into my green eyes and I felt exposed, as if he could look into my darkest of secrets. I blushed and looked fast down to my feet.  
>"I think Sirius said something about saving you seats, you better should hurry." a smug smile crept on James face as his gaze went to Marlene. "Don´t you let your lover wait, Marlene."<p>

I looked up to see my best friends reaction but she kept cool.  
>"Well I guess we won´t let him wait any longer then James."<br>Alice and I, both have been questioning Marlene for days now if there was something going on between her and Sirius Black, but she always found a way to change topics.

We said our quick "Good Luck" and "Break a leg" to James and joined our seats next to the Marauders. I sat down between my friends, on my right Marlene next to Sirius, no surprise there.  
>I had no time to analyze them, because Madame Hooch and both teams already came onto the field.<p>

James flew in our direction and winked at me, the second time today, I blushed.  
>He smiled his dazzling smile and took his position not to far from us.<br>I had trouble of keeping track of the game, I think I should have asked someone about the rules before the game started, I clearly annoyed my friends with my "stupid" questions.

After sometime I stopped trying to understand what was going on and just cheered whenever Gryffindor made points, but what I did notice was that the Slytherin players did not play fair, how could Madame Hooch oversee that?

I awoke out my thoughts as James raced in front of us. He seemed to chase the Syltherin who had the Quaffel.  
>There was something about James stature that made my eyes follow. Suddenly everything happened really fast, James flew in dangerous speed straight to the ground as a Slytherin beater hit a Bludger in James direction, it hit him right in his chest and knocked him from his broom right into a 10 feet away tower out of hard wood.<p>

I screamed his name and around pitch you could hear loud gasps. For a few moments I stood completely still, half expecting that James would laugh and stand up, but no, he lay motionless on the ground. Something tingled warm on my cheeks and blurted my eye sight.

Ignoring my friends and the Marauders I pushed me through the shocked crowd.  
>I had to see James, I had to make sure he was ok and alive. I heard my name behind me, Marlene and Sirius had followed me, probably to make sure I was ok.<br>Just as I stepped outside Hagrid passed us with a still unconscious James in his arms, followed by a worried Professor McGonagall.  
>Sirius asked her how James was, after he noticed I had no strength to say something.<p>

"I´m sorry Mr Black. We don´t know if he has any other injury´s then the obvious ones, we´ll bring him to Madame Pomfrey, she will try the best she can."  
>I no longer had any feelings left in my legs, I sunk down to my knees, hysterical sobbing and my hands clutched on my eyes.<br>The only thing I still perceived were Sirius and Marlene who had their arms around me while they sunk down on the grass next to me.

The next thing I knew that I was in my bedroom, in the head dorm. I lay in my street cloths on my bed. I must have fallen asleep from the crying and Sirius carried me to my room, a good thing that James and I had given the password to our friends so they could enter the common room.  
>I made a mental note to thank Sirius for carrying me all the way up later.<p>

Then I remembered what had happened to James and stormed to the door to get to the Hospital Wing. I paused , there were voices in the common room. Listening a few seconds I recognized that they belonged to my friends. I tensed at the mention of mine and James name in one sentence, curious I opened the door, just a small gap so I could listen without getting caught.

"I´m really worried about Lily, she behaves strange lately." Marlene said with a sigh  
>"I know what you mean, I noticed that James is not himself lately either. Every time I share an awesome plan for a prank on Snivellus he just shakess his head and leaves.", Sirius agreed.<br>"Alice and I already tried to figure out the reason, but the only reason we can come up with is James. "  
>Sirius gave Marlene a "Are-you-serious" look, she ignored him and continued.<br>"Lily would never change because of school, sure, she is stressed about keeping her studies and head duties under control but she always wanted to be head girl. She might be worried about her familys safety but muggle borns were already worried about their family´s years ago. Alice watched Lily two days ago, and she always acted weird when James was around."

"No, there has to be another reason. We all know that Lily hates James. I talked to James last night, he told me he is becoming quiet desperate, he realized that he will never win over her. He said he would give up on her. Marlene, believe me I have never seen James Potter cry in my whole life, but last night, he did. With that last argument between him and Lily, his heart shattered in half, no matter how cool he acted in the past, I know now how he feels, I can´t believe he hadn´t cracked earlier."

I couldn´t listen any longer, carefully I closed the door and sank back down on my bed.  
>Hot tears started stream down my face. I would have never thought he would care so much about what I said.<br>If I had known how he felt, I would have never said those things.

_It was one of the hot days in our last week in our sixth year before the summer vacation started, the professors had been nice and had not given us homework and so the most students were outside enjoying the sun._

_Marlene, Alice and I sat at the black lake and discussed our up coming vacation._  
><em>"Frank will be working the whole vacation, I hope I´ll get to see him on the weekends. I miss him", Alice sighed sadly.<em>  
><em>Frank Longbottom was her long time boyfriend, he was a year ahead of us and got accepted on the Auror-training program at the Ministry of Magic.<em>  
><em>As soon he left Hogwarts he would be working.<em>

_"I feel you girl, my parents want to drag me to go skiing in Austria with them. Believe me, I rather stay in London and visit you and Lils everyday."_  
><em>I laughed, Marlene was not a fan of cold, she loved the heat.<em>  
><em>"Well, I surely envy you Marlene, I have to meet my sisters boyfriend, my mother wrote that he looks like a walrus."<em>  
><em>We started giggling but of course James Potter had to end our moment.<em>

_"Hey, what´s so funny Evans?"_  
><em>James and his shadows Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew joined our group.<em>  
><em>I groaned instantly, the day was ruined."What do you want Potter? You´re growling the sun away."<em>  
><em>Potter kept cool and answered smoothly: "The sun would never turn its back on you, my dear Love."<em>  
><em>I rolled my eyes, urgh, can you believe him? Who would fall for that?<em>

_"Potter, if you ever want to use your manhood again you better watch your words, I will never ever want anything to do with you! How many times do you want me to say it? Are you deaf or just plain stupid? Well, since you can hear I guess you are just plain stupid!"_  
><em>I was furious. James Potter finally got me over the edge. I don´t think I´ve ever been this mad.<em>  
><em>I turned to his friends and continued my out burst: "How can you even be friends with him? You could do so much better. Hell, even Snape is a better person."<em>

_James, his and mine friends remained silent, to afraid to interrupt me. I turned back to James, he still looked calm but I could feel it was just a mask that hid his true feelings._  
><em>"You don´t deserve to be a Gryffindor, your parents must be ashamed of you and there you are standing like a ice sculpture with no emotions. I repeat one last time. I hate you and I want nothing, absolute nothing to do with you!"<em>  
><em>With that I turned on my heels and stomped up the path to the castle. I could hear my friends and the marauders whisper behind me, but I didn´t care I just wanted to leave and put this site of me in a big black box, hide it somewhere and forget about it.<em>

I was really sorry about the things I said, my friends never brought this day up so I tried the best I could to pretend that this day never happened, but it did.  
>After hearing Sirius saying that it broke James heart I felt even more miserable about it.<p>

First when I heard about James being head boy I had laughed and put it as a really bad joke, but with every night patrol and every prefect meeting his charm, his looks and his funny comments, he had me more and more under his spell.  
>He had changed a lot over the summer.<br>He was tan, I mean really tan, like he spent every minute outside in the sunshine and oh boy, he had muscles, sexy muscles. I blushed at the memory.

_We were a month and a half into the school year as the most embarrassing moment of my life happened, you see, the head dorm may had two separate bedrooms but only one bathroom, so we had to share. Me as girl, had to stand up early to be ready in time._  
><em>We had the agreement I´d go first in the bathroom, after I finished he´d go.<em>  
><em> But this faithfully morning didn´t went the way I planned. <em>

_I stumbled still half asleep only in my towel through my room into the bathroom. I didn´t find it dark and empty as usual, but lightened and with James Potter in the shower._  
><em>My mind turned blank, James Potter stood three feet away in the shower, naked!<em>  
><em>He haden´t noticed me yet, what should I do? I couldn´t just say "Hi, why are you in the shower and why are so hot that I´d jump you right now?" or "Hi, get your sexy naked butt out of my shower!"<em>  
><em>You see the problem, my half asleep brain was fully awake and screamed at me that I should just join him but instead I just coughed loudly.<em>  
><em>James leaned his head back so he could see me, he blushed slightly.<em>  
><em>"Oh I´m sorry Evans, I couldn´t sleep I thought I´d be finish before you wake up."<em>

_If I hadn´t been so concentrated on keeping my mind in place, I would have found it adorable that he was worried messing up my morning ritual._  
><em>"No, no it´s ok. Take your time. I´ll be in my room, can you let me know when you are finished?"<em>  
><em>He smiled and nodded. I left the room quickly on weak knees.<em>  
><em>Had he thought I´d throw him out the shower?<em>  
><em>Only a few minutes later he knocked on my door.<em>  
><em>"Come in"<em>

_He opened the door and came in, clothed with nothing but a towel around his waist._  
><em>"You can shower now, I finished as quick as possible. Sorry if I messed up your schedule."<em>  
><em>And again he worried about my reaction. I let my eyes wander over his so yummy tanned body.<em>  
><em>I wish I could lick over every single muscle.<em>  
><em>Just as I began to get lost in my thoughts of what I wanted to do with this yummy muscles of his, James cleared his throat and tore me out my thoughts.<em>  
><em>I blushed a deep scarlet and replied stupidly: "Uhm, yes thank you."<em>  
><em>And vanished past him in the bathroom, but not before his shoulder brushed mine, accidently of course.<em>

Yes, I had to admit it, I was attracted to him. But that still made me wonder, you don´t react the way I did earlier when you are just attracted to someone, right?  
>No, there must something else that made me react that way.<p>

Maybe it was the fact that James had been such a sweetheart to me even after my outburst.  
>On head duties he was polite and never showed a sign of anger or hurt, he just smiled at me.<br>His cute, overwhelming crooked smile that made me blush every time.  
>He even had helped me in the evenings in Transfiguration, the only subject I had my troubles with.<p>

_I sat in the head common room at the fire doing my homework, it was already late and I still had to finish my potion essay and learn how to turn a object into stone._  
><em>I looked at my clock, it was already 10 p.m. in only one hour James and I had to go on patrol.<em>  
><em>I turned back on my essay, thank god I was good in potions and had listened to Professor Slughorn, unlike Alice who already had trouble with keeping up.<em>  
><em>No, right now I couldn´t worry about Alice grades, she could ask Marlene or Remus for help.<em>  
><em>"And point, now to transfiguration, now that will be fun.", I mumbled sarcastically to myself.<em>  
><em>"Having fun?"<em>  
><em>I didn´t had to turn around to know who just entered the room, James returned from, probably, detention.<em>  
><em>He sat down beside me, and placed a tower of books in front of him.<em>  
><em>"I wouldn´t call it fun, its depressing that I just can´t get better at transfiguration, I don´t understand why, every time we learn a new spell I need Marlene or Remus. After they practiced it with me a few times it works, but then we learn a new one and I have to ask them again. Now we´re in our final year and when our grades matter the most, they are not able to help me."<em>  
><em>I let out a frustrated groan. I looked up to James hazel brown eyes looking at me sadly.<em>  
><em>The fire was reflected in his eyes, he looked gorgeous.<em>  
><em>"I can help you if you want, I used to help Peter and you know, I am pretty good."<em>  
><em>I wasn´t sure if I should accept his offer, he saw my hesitation and added:<em>  
><em>"I have to practice anyway, I might be able to help you, it´s really no big deal Lily."<em>  
><em>I felt my face become red again, he called me Lily, usually it was always "Evans", "Lily Flower" or "Lilykins".<em>  
><em>I liked how he said my name, it gave me shivers.<em>  
><em>Without thinking I answered him:<em>  
><em>"Thanks James, I really appreciate it."<em>  
><em>I hadn´t planed to call him by his first name, but it slipped out. I gave him a small smile and hoped he hadn´t heard it.<em>  
><em>James and I may came along ok now, but we were not ready, ok, I was not ready for the first name basis yet.<em>  
><em>James and I lay a feather in front of us, he told me I should go first so he could tell me what I did wrong.<em>  
><em>I pointed my wand at the feather and said "Duro"<em>  
><em>Nothing happened I looked helpless at James who just smiled amused.<em>  
><em>"No wonder you don´t get it right, you have to pronounce it "DOO-roh" not "dur-OOO"<em>  
><em>and you have to tick your wand on the feather one time when you say it."<em>

_I felt my mouth forming an "o" and tried it again, this time with how James told me too._  
><em>It worked, the feather turned to stone. I let out a happy "Yes I did it" and made a little happy dance.<em>  
><em>I heard James chuckle next to me, I stopped my dance and faced him.<em>  
><em>"Thank you James, I guess I´ll let you finish your work then, I´ll see you later."<em>  
><em>There, I said his name again, how could I mess up two times in a row? But I couldn´t help but notice, his name tasted great on my tongue, I could see my self as Mrs James Potter, and this thought scared the hell out of me.<em>

I smiled at the memory, ever since then James helped me whenever I had my troubles, I only had to pull the feather out of my bag and James would rush to my site.  
>A warm feeling floated around my guts and let my heart beat faster, as it hit me.<p>

I was falling for him. I, Lily Evans, was falling for James Potter.  
>The pieces in my head finally made sense.<br>What should I do? How could I ever admit it to him when I said so horrible things to him in the past year?  
>Did I even want to tell him? No, I couldn´t.<br>He would be in danger. He was a pureblood and I Muggle born. We could never be together, not with this war going on.  
>Fresh tears flow down my face.<p>

I run out of my room straight to the door, I couldn´t wait another second, I had to see him.  
>I could hear Marlene and Sirius shouting my name and asking me what happened, but again, I ignored them and ran forwards to the Hospital wing.<br>The students in the corridors looked at me wondering. I didn´t take any notice to them.  
>I was to focused running without tripping, the tears still blurted my eyesight.<br>Without knocking I opened the door to the Hospital wing. I found it complete empty.  
>Slowly I looked from bed to bed, but James Potter did not lay in any of them.<br>Confused I knocked at Madame Pomfrey´s office door, I slowly opened the door.

Madame Pomfrey sat at her desk.

"Hello Miss Evans, how can I help you?"  
>I always liked her, she always had been nice to me and helped me sometimes when I had trouble finding sleep, wich I had often lately. She smiled at me sadly, she must had noticed my puffy red eyes.<br>"Where is he? J-James."  
>I had trouble to speak without breaking down again.<br>"Oh my dear, We have brought him to St.- Mungos."  
>I breath the air in sharply, my eyes wide open. I feared the worst.<br>"Is he ok? "  
>I had no strength to form more words, tears once again escaped my eyes.<br>To my surprise Madame Pomfrey smiled.

"Yes my dear, he is stable. I was able to heal his wounds, but his parents thought it would be best if their son would stay a few days at St-Mungos to rest. Mrs Potter said his friends would keep him from resting if he stayed here."  
>I sighed relieved. James was ok and he would be back in a few days.<br>I thanked Madame Pomfrey and went back to the heads dorm where my friends were waiting, yes, since I realized I was falling for James, I might as well count James and his friends to my friends.

The next few days passed slowly. Every inch of me longed to see James. I missed our night patrols together, the time he helped me study, even the little glances in every class we had together.  
>Since I knew my feelings for James, I could feel it everywhere and they grew. Fast.<p>

Now it was finally Friday and James would return, the feeling of butterflies in my stomach grew from class to class and as I returned to the head common room in the afternoon, James sat in an armchair next to the fire.  
>As he heard the door shut he turned around and smiled his crooked dazzling smile at me, my heart begun to beat faster.<br>"Hey, I´m glad you´re back. Hogwarts is really boring without you."  
>I blushed at my words, and I had to remind myself, first thinking then speaking.<br>He laughed "Thanks Evans, I missed you too."  
>If it was even possible I became even redder.<br>Before my knees got the chance to give in I sat down in the armchair across from him.

"Does anyone know you´re back yet?"  
>"Only Dumbledore, Prodessor McGonagall, Madame Pomfrey and you."<br>"Why didn´t you visit your friends first? They were worried about you."  
>He shrugged and looked into my eyes.<br>"You were more important, I talked to Sirius yesterday, he told me about your reaction on Sunday."  
>I could hear in the way he spoke that he was being serious, not making fun of me or anything. His warm hazel eyes held me as prisoner, I couldn´t look away.<p>

I could feel the tension between us, but I couldn´t let anything happen before I apologized.  
>"I´m sorry for what I´ve said last year. It was mean and horrible. I don´t know what made me tick off that way. I was wrong about everything. I hope you can forgive me someday."<p>

Like so often in the last few days tears slipped over my cheek.  
>James looked shocked to hear a real and honest apology from me.<p>

"Lily, I´ve forgiven you moments later. I could never be angry at you."  
>I sobbed even more, he was perfect, he was too perfect to be true. That made me once again realize that I was only a muggle born and didn´t deserve such a beautiful soul like him.<p>

He stood up, took my hands in his and pulled me from the armchair into the loveseat.  
>He let go of my left hand to stroke with his thumb the tears from my face. My skin burned where he touched me. While he stroke my tears away his eyes never left mine.<br>His face was only inches away from mine, his eyes sparkling.

My eyes wandered down to his lips, wondering how they felt on my own. Then I felt them, they were warm and dry.  
>He really kissed me, James Potter kissed me, Lily Evans. It was overwhelming.<br>The kiss was soft and sweet, as if he wanted to give me the choice to stop if I wanted to, but hell I wanted to kiss him.  
>But it was over to soon, he pulled away, I opened my eyes to look in his. I saw the lust and desire in them, I bet in my eyes stood the same.<p>

"I´m sorry Lily, I shouldn´t have-"  
>I didn´t let him finish that sentence, I shut him up with a passionate kiss. My hands found their way into his messy raven black hair while his rested on my back.<br>We both run out of breath and pulled away. I smiled at him,  
>"Don´t you dare to finish that sentence!" he smiled crooked back at me.<p>

He stood up and fell to his knees in front of me, my eyes widened, what was he doing?  
>"Lily Evans, will you please go out with me?"<br>I giggled, I haven´t heard that since my big outburst. For the first time I was happy he asked me out.  
>"Yes James, I will go out with you!"<br>He stood up, pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I threw my arms behind his neck as he picked me up and twirled me around.  
>We sat down on the loveseat, me on his lap and resting my head on his shoulder.<br>Just as I wanted to say something the portrait opened and our friends entered.

They gasped loudly at the sight of us being cuddled into each other.  
>Sirius broke the awkward silence:<br>"Merlins beard! Am I dreaming or is this real?"  
>I giggled and snuggled my head closer to James, his warmth felt amazing underneath me. I have never felt so safe in my entire life.<br>Marlene joined Sirius in the front of the group.

"I guess it´s real. Are you two together now?"  
>I lifted my head to meet James eyes with mine. Then we both smiled and turned our heads back to our friends and nodded.<br>"About time Prongs! How long have you been chasing after her? Almost 7 years."  
>Sirius barked a laugh, wich the others joined in.<br>James blushed and gave me a kiss on my forehead.

At the same time I noticed Marlene slipping her hand into Sirius´s. I jumped up and shouted: "Ha! I knew it! You two are together!"  
>Everyone, but Marlene and Sirius, looked from me too the couple.<br>Both of them blushed and nodded slowly. I grinned at Alice who stood next to Remus behind Sirius.  
>Alice gave me a thumb up and giggled.<br>James shifted underneath me and said smiling at me:"Call me a fool but I think we all deserve a butterbeer now. Let´s celebrate!"  
>We all agreed. I turned my head back to James and gave him a lovingly kiss.<p>

"I love you" I whispered just loud enough for him to hear it.  
>"I love you too, Lily, I will always be there of you need me, please don´t ever forget that ok?"<br>A single tear roll over my cheek, I nodded.  
>"Thank you James. I can´t believe you really like me, after all those things I´ve said in the past. You deserve so much better and in the war, I will bring you danger."<br>He shook his head and put his arms tighter around me.  
>"Stop Lily, I already told you I was never mad at you, I´ve always been in love with you, I don´t care what danger will come ahead, because I will protect you and together we can survive this war. We have one thing Voldemort has never known, Love. The love for the people we care about. This power will keep us strong."<br>Our friends had watched us, the boys with their arms around the crying Marlene and Alice.

It´s was true. With James and my friends around, we could survive this war. We could fight and destroy Voldemort.

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><p>I hope you liked it.<br>I absolutly adore James/Lily and Sirius/Marlene

the title "When Will I Realize" is inspired by the same called song by Avery Pkwy.

would be nice to get some reviews ;) I once again have to say that english is not my mother language.

Love always,  
>Lena<p> 


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